is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
