Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
