"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
