Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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