The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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