This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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