i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
