How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
