Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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