I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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