How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
