why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
