Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
