either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
