The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
