Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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