just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
