Your face is a jimmy john
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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