Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
