so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
