You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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