I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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