People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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