We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
