Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
