Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize