she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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