I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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