i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
