drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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