Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize