Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize