This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
