my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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