You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bring me that man meat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
