I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
