there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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