seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
