if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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