We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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