dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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