Pants 0. Shit 1.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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