I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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