So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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