I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You are a genius and a whore.
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