you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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