If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
