Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
