Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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