I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
