I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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