I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
