Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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