STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
