so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
