I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
