Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
