So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
only if we run a train.
done.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
