Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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