There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
