also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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