i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
