who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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